Self-harm is a subject I will try to explain, as I am a selfharmer myself. With myself it started about 10 years ago. One night I was feeling very ill and could not snap out of a very bad bout of depression which had been going on for 10 days or so. I was so desperate I began to contemplate suicide.

I began to search around my home for something to use to carry out the task. I came across some razor blades and decided to use these to cut open my wrists. When it came to actually cutting I became afraid, so instead of cutting into my wrists I began to cut down my arms instead.

The sensation I felt could only be described as bewildering. First off there was great pain followed by one of the calmest feelings I have ever experienced. I immediately felt some relieve from my depression.

I felt like I had discovered some sort of magical secret, which only I knew about. I began to cut almost daily after that and needed to cut regularly as the calming effect would not last any longer than a few hours.

As the months turned into years my arms could no longer take much more cutting because my tissues were becoming too tender and I also suffered a bad bout of septicaemia.

When I was admitted to hospital with the latter, I was refereed to a psychiatrist who informed me that my cutting was not as rare as I thought. It is a common practice used by people who suffer from a whole range of psychiatric illnesses.

The cutting of different parts of the body soon becomes very addictive and any long-term withdrawal of mutilation can be very hard to cope with. Very soon you are looking for other ways to cope and in my case I turned to drugs and alcohol.

This method soon took its toll on my health both physically and mentally and I soon resorted to cutting again with the occasional diversion back to alcohol and drugs.

I remember once watching a television program about the American red Indians and one part of it refereed to a warrior cutting his arms before a battle believing the spilling of blood would give him great courage and power given to him by the spirits. The links are strange and somewhat mystical the need was there for him as it was for me.

The cutting is certainly no cure but as destructive as it is it does give relive .You can stop and never return; I know a lot of people who have succeeded in doing so. As for myself I continue to cut but not as often as I used to. I feel no guilt only a sort of strange loneliness that sometimes becomes very frightening and overpowering. They say know your enemy, I know mine well but it gives me no advantages over combating my problem. There is something very dark in my soul that I am not fully understanding off, one day I hope some light will be shined on it. Many theories have been suggested why people cut and continue to do so. Where do its origins lie? How does a cutter first start? Why is it so common? The mind is a very powerful weapon that can imprison you or set you free. It can also teach you strange and wonderful things that can put your thought patterns on another plane. Dwell not to long on that which you find confusing or you become confused. I feel as if I have been tied down for the best part of my life never being able to set myself free from the shackles of my strangled emotions. I feel like I can go no further because every time I am going forward the old black dog stands in my way smirking at me again.
Thank you dad for not thinking



Research concerning the effects of specific drug therapies probably the most investigated drugs for sib are naltrexone and naloxone, opiate antagonists. The theory is that self-mutilation releases endorphins and over time, the body becomes addicted to these pain-relieving neurotransmitters. The impulse to self-harm arises from a craving for endorphins Some advocate high doses of SSRIs and mood stabilizers to get self-injury under control quickly.

Speaking from my own experiences there is defiantly an addictive effect, which comes from cutting, be it physical or psychological. The drug, which has been of most benefit to me, is lithium, which helped reduce my cutting greatly. But with most things different drugs work different people.
In conclusion I do not see self harm i.e. cutting as a suicidal attempt, it may well be a lake of some chemical to the brain i.e. serotonin, whatever causes people to self-harm more research needs to be done into this illness.